On New Year’s Eve of 2015, I was alone in my apartment. I didn’t know what to do with myself. So I bought a bottle of white wine, sat down with the bottle and a wineglass, and thought about the past year.

In January of 2014, mere weeks after I had moved out of my parents’ home and left religion, I had said to a friend that 2014 was my “year of firsts.” So at the end of that year of firsts, on the eve of 2015, I decided to make a list of all those firsts. I started and continued at random, as thoughts occurred to me.

By the end of this list, I was full-on drunk and half-crying. I could have gone on and on, but when I got to the last item on the list, I… well, I decided I had more important things to do 😉

As my fourth year draws to a close, here’s that list. Some items are monumental firsts, some are tiny. Some are related to leaving religion, some are not related to that at all. Some are coded in a way only I could understand – which I have a tendency to do even when writing in my personal journal…

I had intended to make this a yearly tradition, but on the eve of 2016, I was frantically finishing a paper to submit way past the deadline and I had no time to celebrate of reflect in any way. And on the eve of 2017, I drank champagne with my roommates and we watched episode after episode of a ridiculous Japanese comedy show well into the morning.

So this didn’t become a tradition – but I’m really happy I have this 2014 list.

For better or worse, below is a snapshot of my 2014:

1. first apartment
2. first cry in shul
3. first bus ride on shabbos
4. first pants outside
5. first roommate drama
6. first meal pair for shabbos
7. first modern dance show
8. first Broadway musical
9. first missed day of work
10. first study abroad
11. first college dorm
12. first time in UK
13. first shrimp
14. first calamari
15. first wine in a bar
16. first Korean food
17. first bought alcohol (not counting Cleveland)
18. first bought pots and dishes
19. first crying to a credit card rep
20. first college class taught
21. first conference grad paper
22. first online to date
23. first crush on someone I thought I had a chance with
24. first male friend
25. first full drunk
26. first drunk text
27. first hangover
28. first TV marathon day
29. first heartbreak
30. first love – unrequited maybe
31. first poetry reading
32. first party
33. first tattoo
34. first bookshelf put together
35. first phone bill
36. first flashback
37. first adolescent fight with parents
38. first atheism
39. first protest march
40. first feminism argument
41. first pub trivia
42. first bacon
43. first cheeseburger
44. first McDonald’s
45. first Wendy’s
46. first office
47. first academic blog
48. first (and last!) Indiegogo
49. first built bookshelf by myself
50. first time in a cathedral
51. first Catholic candle
52. first admitting bisexual
53. first gay bar
54. first REAL self-respect and like
55. first buffalo wings
56. first joint birthday party
57. first girlfriend fight
58. first girl talk sleepover
59. first Moleskine notebook
60. first Victoria’s Secret
61. first acceptance for publication
62. first asking a guy out
63. first Skype
64. first Stonehenge
65. first Christmas tree
66. first red shoes
67. first red lipstick
68. first big ring
69. first hair dye
70. first Halloween
71. first open-toe shoes
72. first leggings
73. first printed t-shirt
74. first short sleeves
75. first open neckline
76. first jeans
77. first short skirt
78. first drinks with professors
79. first angel ornament
80. first grad school committee member
81. first medieval castle
82. first German dictionary
83. first honest talk with Mommy and Tatty (but separately)
84. first email exchange with Mommy
85. first ER visit alone
86. first belt
87. first concert
88. first violin
89. first colorful socks
90. first really hating someone
91. first wineglasses purchase
92. first coasters purchase
93. first pedicure
94. first brownie
95. first Indiana Jones
96. first used bookstore visit
97. first full-day exam
98. first sex dream